New Classes- Sundays at 5pm!

Starting this Sunday, April 13th, I will be offering classes at my beautiful new home studio from 5-6pm!  Right now the class is only open to returning students.  If you would like information on the class and others that are in the works, just send me your email address and I'll add it to my notice list!

Thought About Reading a Fat-Shaming Diet Book, Decided to Love Myself Instead*

*Originally published on my personal blog Turkish Delight

Once upon a time, or rather this morning as I was getting out of the shower and looking/admiring my naked belly in the mirror (we all should be able to look at ourselves in the mirror with love!), I overheard the local newscaster say "The obesity epidemic is at an all time-high and on our show today we have an expert to help us get fit!"....or at least they said something like that.  Honestly the second that I heard "obesity epidemic" I could feel a spasm of eye-rolling starting.  But I took a short break from my mirror-gazing-vanity to walk over to the tv to watch.

They were interviewing this guy about his "new" book (cause 2010 is new apparently) called "Die Fat or Get Tough".  To summarize the 2 minute interview....fat people are fat because they think like fat people and that in order for their life to improve dramatically they have to get 'mentally tough' and think like "fit" people.  The female newscaster tried to ask him about how people's bodies are different, genetics, nature vs. nurture, etc.... but he promptly cut her off with his assertion that fat people think all the same and that if they just had the mental toughness they could be thin....and of course that their life would be full of butterflies and roses instead of a dun....dun....dunn......an early grave.

I had a brief.....BRIEF.....moment where I thought that I should read his book before making any judgements about it or writing a scathing review of it, etc.  Instead I looked up his website....his gimmicky, cliche website.  Because he's deigning to you, reader of his website, by sharing his 'life changing' secrets with you in this book.  He had to take precious time out of his busy, successful motivational- speaking career in order to write this book.  He felt morally called to this task apparently.  He also "gets it" because he once gained 40 pounds when he was traveling for work and had some unhealthy habits.....he went from a 32 waist to a 36 (gasp! horror!).  And then he exercised  and was 'mentally tough about his fitness', lost the weight, and is now your new weight-loss savior.

I would like to note that I read his website while eating a particularly delicious chocolate cake doughnut.  Incidentally, I have some left over if anyone wants to visit me at my office today....

But I digress.

After reviewing his website, I decided that I didn't need to or want to read his book.  He mentioned in the news interview that he had received 'death threats' because of how difficult his message was to hear.  And while I don't condone anyone giving death threats in general or over a fat-shaming diet book....the guy seems like a bit of jerk.

What I would rather do..... is love myself.  I want to see and look at myself with love and possibility.  And yeah....my chunky knees and thighs bug me.  But they are still part of me, part of my legs that allow me to move about this world everyday....they hold me up, support me, and are bendy and soft and seem to be constantly changing.  And ultimately, they are pretty damn awesome.

I would also rather listen and spend my time reading the words of people who don't need to scare and shame people so that they can live a lavish lifestyle.  I want to read the works of people who are human and average and not 'well-off'.  I want to connect with people that I can relate to, and people who can relate to me as a person.....and not some statistic that they think I fit into.

You know what else I would rather do?  Tell you about the strangeness of my clothing choices today.  I decided to put on the one pair of bluejeans that I own....which I haven't worn in a couple of years.  They fit, no problems there....no weird laying on the bed to zip them up or holding your breath for a minute while you try to inch up the zipper.  Wow....are blue jeans restrictive!  I can still bend over and touch my toes and all that....but it is by sheer force of will!  This just adds to the superiority of skirts, dresses and yoga pants....

....and of course....

.....shame-free doughnuts.....

......and a whole lot of self-love!

News! I'm now offering Yoga classes in Salt Lake City!

After what seems like forever, I am now going to offer yoga classes in Salt Lake City!

I'm going to be offering two classes to be specific:

Monday Mornings starting on June 24, 2013- 7:15am-8:15am

Yoga for Advocates is a trauma-informed yoga class designed to meet the self-care needs of those individuals who work with survivors of violence.  This class will offer gentle and restorative yoga postures, as well as focusing on a variety of breathing and meditation techniques.  Start your day and week off right!  This class is open to all that wish to come and is a donation-based class.

Wednesday Evenings starting on June 26- 6:30-7:30pm

Every Body Yoga is a beginning level flow class designed to be accessible to yoga practitioners of all ability levels by its creative use of props and sequencing. This gentle yoga practice offers a body positive space for people of all shapes and sizes and focuses on celebrating and loving the body that you have today.  $10 drop-in rate 

And where will these classes be held?  At a wonderful new studio that has just opened: the Urban Arts Studio 25 East Kensington Ave. (1500 South)

At the moment, I am not taking online registrations, just show up!  But if you have any questions please feel free to contact me via email deborah.ann.dilley@gmail.com or call 801-520-3582.

Always remain a student, no matter how often you are the teacher- in Yoga and in Life

I love teaching....I love teaching yoga, I love teaching about sexual violence, I love being in front of a group pontificating on one thing or another.   
Love. It. 
Love.
Love.
Love!
It is my total natural high.  But sometimes, I get so wrapped up in being a teacher, that I forget how wonderful it is to be a student.

Last night I subbed for another teacher at Infusion.  It was cool...new students to mold to my will....muwahahah!  Unfortunately, I couldn't read them very well....at least the women in the class.  The one lone gentlemen was more forthcoming.  It was his first yoga class ever...and for lack of a better term, seemed like a jock.  At the end of class I asked him how it was, and he told me that it was more intense then he thought it was going to be.  Woot!  Score for the fat girl!  After that class, I decided to stay for the last class of the night, which was Yoga for Sleep.  The class was excellent! And I needed it....one, cause this week has been a bear, and two....I am forgetting how it feels to be a student.  The wonder in doing something new, the sensation of relaxing into Savasana (which I don't take when I teach because someone has to bring everyone out of it), the feeling of awe and excitement with discovery....I was forgetting what it felt like to be that, that eternal student.

Re-discovering the joy of being a student is what makes me a better teacher....it lets me grow.

Today with my private student, I tried to channel that same excitement as I felt in the class the night before.  I pushed her today.  I pushed her harder than I ever have.  I made her go into a modified forearm stand.  She looked at me like I was crazy when I showed her what we were about to do.  Then I assisted her.  The look on her face when she came out of it was breathtaking.  It was pure joy.  I knew that she would want to do it again (because when I first did the pose, I did) and I offered to take a photo of her.  She allowed me....and she doesn't like her photo taken at all.  I'll put up a photo of myself the pose
instead of her however.  This was such a turning point for her and for me.  For her, as she doubts her beauty
and her strength
and her grace. 
For me....because it brought it back to the forefront that I need to teach with the spirit of a student.

So, my advice to you.... 
Always be the student.
Love it.
Honor it.
And let that joy guide you as surely as your intuition does.

Finding Space

If you are a larger than average person, the idea of taking up space can be terrifying.  Even though I think that I am pretty good at taking up space....when I think of plane travel, I start to panic.  It doesn't help that there have been some very public cases of fat people being told to get off of the plane.  And I've had experiences where just seeing me come onto a plane people will immediately grab both of their arm rests and expand their body over their seat.  Imagine what a child does with using their body to cover their toys so that they don't have to share, and you will get the picture.

It's frustrating.

I don't spread over my seat in an airplane, and I actually try to make myself as small as possible.  I hug my arms across my chest, I always let the person next to me have the armrest (even when I am in the center seat), I will sit for longer periods of time because I don't want to inconvenience someone in having to get up.  I've dealt with glares, the eye rolls.  With people freaking out if the hem of my sweater happens to fall on the armrest, yet I don't get to complain when the same person keeps elbowing me (hard!) throughout the flight.  I've even dealt with someone putting their chair down all the way and refusing to pull up their seat when the food was delivered (a flight attendant ended up having to intervene on that one).

The situation isn't fair.

The seats are small for everyone...that is a fact.  That is unfair to everyone.  What is unfair to me and to countless others who are similar in size to me is the reaction of other people to our size.  And in my experience, those that seem to worry that I am going to take up their space end up taking up twice as much as I do in an attempt to make sure that I don't take over theirs.

We need to give ourselves a break.

A few years ago I had a size breakthrough on a plane.  I was coming back from a conference in India and I was sick.  The kinda of sick where your entire body hurts when you aren't stuck in the bathroom in even more pain from all that is passing through you.  In order to be in slightly less pain, I needed a pillow on my lower back.  Except I couldn't get the seatbelt on with the pillow at my back.  In fact, getting the seatbelt to connect had been a problem for a while, resulting in bruises on my body where I have literally stuffed myself in....hoping that if I just tried to take up less space all would be better. 

I was in agony. All I needed was two inches.

A flight attendant saw me struggling and discretely gave me a lapbelt extender.  First of all, I didn't know that they existed.  Then, I started to cry because I felt so humiliated that I needed one in the first place.  About an hour or two later, I realized that I was comfortable.  That my body hurt less.  I felt free.  All I needed was two inches and that beautiful, amazing, angelic flight attendant gave me the permission to take the two inches that would have made the difference between relief and agony.

So why am I telling you this story and what does it have to do with yoga?  Well, I was reminded of this story as I just came back from a trip to Kenya....and traveling always reminds me of the fact that I still need to give myself permission to take up my own space.  But also.... granting ourselves the permission to take two inches of space is also the essence of yoga modifications.  I use straps, blocks, the wall, etc all the time in my yoga practice because it enhances my practice.  A strap can give me the two inches that I need to get my leg up high enough to do Lord of the Dance pose.  A block can make the difference between a bad knee day and a good knee day in Triangle pose.  I've come across many students who feel awful when they use a prop...like it means that they have failed.  They haven't.  They have just listened to their body.  Then I'll tell them the lapbelt story....but even then I have still had those that are still resistant. 

Here's a secret....  Although it really isn't a secret because it is out in the open.

Your mat: that's a prop, a modification.
That's right!  There were no sticky mats when yoga was being developed!  There are no aesthetic yogis walking the Indian countryside with a pink gaiam mat strapped to their backs!  Pah-lease!

See?  This entire time you've already been practicing with help.  In western yoga classes we are constantly taught to find the space on our mat and treat it as a place of solace.  Give yourself permission to honor that space that you have already claimed....and then continue to give yourself the permission to enjoy every single one of those "two-inches" you need.

Much thanks to Rezwan for taking this photo of me teaching yoga while at my conference in Kenya.  If you can't tell, that's me in the white. :)

Psst.....Can I tell you a secret?

I don't have a home practice.

Although I really want one.  I should have one.  And teaching is helping me develop one.

Is having a home yoga practice necessary?  It depends on who you talk to.  I am of the opinion that as long as I get on my mat on a regular basis that I feel better, calmer, and for some strange reason, my ankles won't swell. 

If you aren't able to come to my classes and practice regularly, I have decided to post the content of my classes here on this blog so that you can see what you missed, and maybe practice at home.  So here is what you missed last Sunday....


The theme of our class was transitions.  We have lots of new beginnings in our lives and we tend to focus on those beginnings rather than the importance of the transition from the old to the new.  After introducing ourselves and the philosophy of Curvy Yoga, I asked the class to close their eyes and think of a transition currently happening in their lives.  Imagine the best outcome of that transition, visualize it and then encapsulate that feeling or outcome with one word.  That one word will be your mantra for the rest of this practice.

You will need a bolster and a strap for this practice, all poses are designed to support the lower back...a part of our body which is often injured in many of the transition events of our lives.

Warm Up:

• Neck openers- rotate your head from side to side drawing a crescent line as your chin moves from shoulder to shoulder
• Hunch shoulders up to your ears, release, repeat
• Roll shoulders forward 3x
• Roll shoulders backwards 3x
• Shoulder isolation: roll left shoulder forward and hold, roll right shoulder backward and hold. Then roll right shoulder to neutral, followed by rolling the left shoulder to neutral.  Repeat on the opposite sides.
• Seated half crescent moon
• Seated twist
• Baby pigeon- this version is done by starting with your legs in butterfly pose.  The right leg stays in the pose while the left leg is extended straight and the bent so that the leg is point behind you.  A stretch can be felt here in the inner thigh and in the outside hip flexor.  I'll have to take a photo of this one eventually.  Repeat for the other side.
• Ankle rolls with arch massage on the feet
• Toes pose
• transition to standing with the mindful standing technique

Standing Poses:

• Tadasana --- Urdhva Hastasana ----forward fold-- roll up to standing, repeat 3x
• Step backwards into Warrior 1, transition to Warrior 2, move to 5-pointed Star, and then into Goddess poses (2x), then return to 5-pointed Star, Warrior 2, and Warrior 1.  Include a slight backbend into warrior 1 before repeating on the opposite side.
• Reverse mindful standing down to knees

Floor Flow:

• kneeling cat/cow, child's pose, roll hips forward, roll hips backward to child's pose, dolphin, child's pose, kneeling cat/cow.  Repeat 5-6 times

Supine Poses:

• Bridge pose
• Reclining Big Toes pose with strap, leg also taken out to the side, and then across the body for a twist, repeat for each side
• Legs on the Wall, using a strap instead of the wall
• Supine butterfly, with strap
• Knees to chest
• Savasana with a bolster under the knees

Welcome!

Thank you for visiting my yoga site, the Squishy Yogini!  

Why squishy?  Because while you could call me fat, plus size, rotund, chubby, heavy, thick, overweight, plump, roly-poly, zaftig, etc. etc. etc. I prefer to refer to myself as "squishy in the right places".

So what are we doing here?

Well, this squishy woman is beginning a new path in her life as a yoga teacher and you are all invited along!

When you think of what the average yoga student looks like, I am probably the last person that you would imagine.  Big and beautiful, curvy, plus-size, squishy in the right places, no matter what you call it....I'm fat.  I've never let my size hold me back from anything, least of all yoga.  I've been practicing yoga off and on for many years now, but it is only within the last two years that I have embraced my yoga practice with intensity.  When I practice yoga it is a time for me when I can turn off the noise from the outside world.  I don't care what I look like or if someone is watching me.  When I am on my mat everything is about honoring myself and the amazing things that my body can do. 

In the past, I've struggled with teachers who have dismissed me because of my size or been in classes where the focus is not on your practice but on how well you keep up with the crowd.  Yoga is not a popularity contest or a competition.  Yoga is a way of life that encompasses and supports all people.  Last year I visited a studio that offered a "Yoga for Bigger Bodies Class".  I was excited that such a class was offered but was horrified when I went to it.  The teacher wasn't supportive, didn't talk about how to use modifications, and obviously wasn't paying attention to the needs of her students.  It saddened me that there were women in that class who this was their first, and probably last, experience with yoga.  The next day I contacted Corena at Infusion Yoga and enrolled in the Yoga Teacher Training Course.  My goal in teacher training is to be able to offer an environment for students of all shapes and sizes to learn and fall in love with yoga.  In working towards this goal, I've also been certified in teaching Curvy Yoga.

So look out Utah, I'm starting to teach!

Where: Sunday afternoon at 4:00pm at Infusion Yoga
Starting: This Saturday, June 3rd!
Cost: Regular rates for Infusion Yoga Studio in Bountiful Utah.  They have so great summer deals!


Also, I will be teaching a FREE workshop on yoga modifications on Thursday June 14th at 7:30 pm!